Application for Primary 1 Class
Original Text: Application for Primary 1 Class
We are applying for our daughter Christie ABC's 12/13 P1 class. ABC' is our top school preference not only because of its distinctive track record of providing high quality education and producing high achievers, but equally important, of the school's teaching philosophy identified in its vision and mission statements, high-qualified and committed teachers who bring the girls to their full potentials.
Christie in our view is sociable, creative, sportive, motivated to learn, and willing to take on challenges. With such personality we think she will fit well in ABC. She has been taking up various activities such as ballet dance, drawing, and swimming on her own initiatives. She also learns taekwondo and ice skating with her elder brother.
To us, school is not the only venue for education, home is of equal importance. As parents we - holders of MSc and MBA degrees respectively - are committed and prepared for long-term to actively participate in our children's education and upbringing, while trying to be their good role models in daily life.
Under ABC’ rich and encouraging learning atmosphere with makeup of capable and caring teachers and high potential pupils, we are confident that Christie will be able to explore and develop her potentials while enjoying her schooling there.
Should Christie be accepted into ABC, we believe she will benefit from her experience there for years to come. Our hope is that Christie, with God's grace and a strong early educational foundation, will one day become a positive influence in our community and society. Thank you for your time and consideration.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Revised Text:
We are applying for our daughter Christie's enrollment in ABC's 12/13 P1 class. ABC is our top school preference, not only because of its distinctive track record of providing high quality education and producing high achievers, but equally important, for the school's teaching philosophy, identified in its vision and mission statements and the highly qualified and committed teachers who bring the girls to their full potentials.
Christie, in our view, is sociable, creative, sportive, motivated to learn, and willing to take on challenges. With this personality, we think she will fit well in ABC. She has been participating in several activities including; ballet, drawing, and swimming, on her own initiative. She is also learning Taekwondo and ice skating with her older brother.
To us, school is not the only venue for education, home is equally important. We (her parents) hold MSc and MBA degrees respectively, and are committed, and prepared for, long-term, active participation in our children's education and upbringing, while working to be good role models in our daily lives.
With ABC’s rich and encouraging learning atmosphere, capable and caring teachers, and high-potential pupils, we are confident that Christie will be able to explore and develop her potential, while enjoying her schooling.
If Christie is accepted into ABC, we believe she will benefit from her experience there for years to come. Our hope is that Christie, with God's grace and a strong early educational foundation, will one day become a positive influence in our community and society.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Editor:
1. Please review the text carefully to ensure your intended meaning was not mistakenly changed.
2. Before you leave this page, please take a moment to use the "Click here to post comments." link at the bottom of the page to rate the proofreading and leave a comment if you wish.
Proofreading and editing pages that receive ratings and comments are moved to the top of the list.