Essay for a College Prep.

by Jose Burgos
(Chicago, IL)

Original Text:

If you had the chance of the onset to profoundly improve yourself, your life and future... would you let it slip by? MY dreams began years ago, and now they continue with my education. An opportunity to gain as much knowledge as possible, meet knew people and apply my maturity. Leave behind works of art and recognition for many to appreciate. This enormous dream of mine all begins with this essay.
I embrace the fact that things I do at school have been done truly at my full potential. I often stay up on weekdays doing and finishing assignments. I also go to the school's library to do homework, instead of eating lunch. I do it all for one true goal, and that is to excel. To excel beyond standards because I know as a fact that all my hard work will pay off in the real world years from today.
Jones College Prep is a fit for me because of its rigorous course that will be beneficial for me in many variations. Sharing a common ground with others who are as interested in succeeding at a higher level like me is very exciting! Preparing for for college by becoming aware of the kinds of things that should be expected is also something that I must do to achieve my goals in life. Whether it is in class or in the real world, I do things at my very best in hopes of not just simply obtaining a good letter grade, but also being satisfied with my work. To be more accurate, when it comes to learning, I do not like to challenge others, I like to challenge myself because as the end I am able to analyze what I did good and what I have to work on.
Penultimately, as a member of the wrestling and football team,leading the school's team to a victory is something I am absolutely capable of accomplishing. I am tremendously skilled at running long distances for an extended period of time. This leaves the doors wide open for track and cross country! I find these extracurricular activities as guidelines for discipline, not just as an athlete, but also for my daily life. Thanks to the teams, I have learned to carefully listen to instructions, and bond and interact with fellow peers. Moreover, these activities helped me develop various work strategies in and outside the classroom, which I cannot stress how thankful I am to all my coaches!
My hopes and dream shall be all elevated with this opportunity of attending Jones College Prep, which I will most definitely take advantage of. Through striving to surpass my standards if given the chance, I will excel on the pathway to a much more developed and well-rounded me.

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Revised Text:

If you had the chance of the onset to profoundly improve yourself, your life and future, would you let it slip by? My dreams began years ago, and now they continue with my education, an opportunity to gain as much knowledge as possible, meet new people, apply my maturity, and leave behind works of art and recognition for many to appreciate. This enormous dream of mine all begins with this essay.

I embrace the fact that things I do at school have been done truly at my full potential. I often stay up on weekdays doing and finishing assignments. I also go to the school's library to do homework, instead of eating lunch. I do it all for one true goal, and that is to excel, to excel beyond standards because I know as a fact that all my hard work will pay off in the real world years from today.

Jones College Prep is a good fit for me because of its' rigorous courses which will be beneficial for me in many ways. Sharing a common ground with others who are as interested in succeeding at a higher level like me is very exciting! Preparing for college by becoming aware of the kinds of things that will be expected is also something I must do to achieve my goals in life. Whether it is in class or in the real world, I do things at my very best in hopes of not just simply obtaining a good letter grade, but also being satisfied with my work. To be more accurate, when it comes to learning, I do not like to challenge others, I like to challenge myself because, at the end, I am able to analyze what I did well and what I still have to work on.

Ultimately, as a member of the wrestling and football teams, leading the school's team to a victory is something I am absolutely capable of accomplishing. I am tremendously skilled at running long distances for an extended period of time. This leaves the doors wide open for track and cross country! I find these extracurricular activities as opportunities for discipline, not just as an athlete, but also in my daily life. Thanks to these teams, I have learned to carefully listen to instructions, and bond and interact with my peers. Moreover, these activities have helped me develop various work strategies in and outside the classroom. I cannot stress how thankful I am to all my coaches!

My hopes and dream will be elevated with this opportunity to attend Jones College Prep, which I will most definitely take advantage of. Through striving to surpass my standards, if given the chance, I will excel on the pathway to a much more developed and well-rounded me.

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