Nothing is as Bright as it Seems

by Jordan Guion
(Kansas)

Original Text: Nothing is as Bright as it Seems

All my bad luck started the day before we went to Mexico. I played in a softball tournament. As we were warming up, I tripped and sprained my ankle. The next day was horrifying. I had to be wheeled around the airport. Once we finally got there (which seemed like it took ages) the first couple of days went by like lightening. My family and I parasailed, snorkeled, even swam with dolphins! I was sure my luck had changed, soon to find, I was wrong.
The next morning I woke up refreshed and ready to have a good day, after all, it was our last full day in Mexico. I got out of bed went downstairs to the den, where my family was waiting on breakfast.
“Good morning” My cheerful mother exclaimed.
“Hey everyone, ready to have a good day?!” I shouted.
“Yes, I want to go play on the beach after all we have been here for what, five days?” My younger sister Brooklynn cried!
Everyone had agreed that after breakfast we would go down to the beach. The tide was pretty strong as it pulled us in and out of the current leaving the rocky sand between our toes. After building massive sand castles, making tropical fruity smoothies, and even jet skiing. My dad and I decided to get some Surf boards and ride in on top of the waves.

“Hey dad!” I shouted.
“Yeah?” he answered from about 5 or so feet away.
“Let’s go farther out to get to the bigger waves!” I explained.
“Good idea, let’s go, but stay close.” He agreed.
After going farther and farther, the waves had died down. So we had to use our hands to paddle back a couple meters, to get back to where the waves were. As we worked our way back to shore, I remembered how dangerous the ocean is. After that I got a little worried. I could see where the tide picked back up, I had thought I was like a fish in the sea, I love water but at the point land had never seemed so fantastic.
“Hey dad, do you see that?” I protested.
“Yeah, were almost there, just give a few big pushes.” Dad explained.
As I yearned for the tide I gave one big push. I felt the sun beating down on me. Urging ,e to just do it one last push, then I could float back to shore. I slowly put my hand down in the water, then farther, farther, until that was as far as I could go. I violently pushed the water through my hands and felt something slimy. This feeling I had never experienced before. As soon as I realized what it was, a shot of adrenaline soared through my body. I yelped in terror as I realized I was holding a jellyfish.
I could barley see my dad or anything for that matter, all the tears that formed in my eyes tickled down my faces, not thinking anything could get worse, I wiped them from my eyes forgetting the ocean is salt water. I screamed again as the water tore and burned my eyes.
I vaguely remember running back to the house as the shooting pains in my hand were the only thing I could worry about. My parents had tried pretty much everything they could think of to take the pain away. Clueless what to do or how to help me, my mom gave me around 4 children’s Tylenol. After I took them, I had e=never slept so comfortably in my life.
I woke up a few hours later and it was swollen, and only hurt when I picked things up. The next day, I was never so happy to be home in my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Revised Text:

All my bad luck started the day before we went to Mexico. I played in a softball tournament and as we were warming up, I tripped and sprained my ankle. The next day was horrifying. I had to be wheeled around the airport. Once we finally got to Mexico (which seemed like it took ages), the first couple of days went by like lightening. My family and I para-sailed, snorkeled and even swam with dolphins! I was sure my luck had changed, soon to find that I was wrong.

The next morning, I woke up refreshed and ready to have a good day. After all, it was our last full day in Mexico. I got out of bed and went downstairs to the den, where my family was waiting on breakfast.

“Good morning” My cheerful mother exclaimed."

“Hey everyone, ready to have a good day?!” I shouted.

“Yes, I want to go play on the beach. After all we have been here for what, five days?” My younger sister, Brooklynn, cried!

Everyone had agreed that after breakfast we would go down to the beach. The tide was pretty strong as it pulled us in and out of the current, leaving the rocky sand between our toes. After building massive sand castles, making tropical fruit smoothies, and even jet skiing, my dad and I decided to get some surfboards and ride in on top of the waves.

“Hey dad!” I shouted.

“Yeah?” he answered from about 5 or so feet away.

“Let’s go farther out to get to the bigger waves!” I explained.

“Good idea. Let’s go, but stay close.” He agreed.

After going farther and farther, the waves had died down. So we had to use our hands to paddle back a couple meters, to get back to where the waves were. As we worked our way back to shore, I remembered how dangerous the ocean is. After that, I got a little worried. I could see where the tide picked back up and thought I was like a fish in the sea. I love water but at that point, land had never seemed so fantastic.

“Hey dad, do you see that?” I protested.

“Yeah, we're almost there, just give a few big pushes.” Dad explained.

As I yearned for the tide I gave one big push, I felt the sun beating down on me, urging me to just do one last push, then I could float back to shore. I slowly put my hand down in the water, then farther, farther, until that was as far as I could go. I violently pushed the water through my hands and felt something slimy. This was a feeling I had never experienced before. As soon as I realized what it was, a shot of adrenaline soared through my body. I yelped in terror as I realized I was holding a jellyfish.

I could barley see my dad, or anything for that matter, all the tears that formed in my eyes tickled down my face. Not thinking anything could get worse, I wiped them from my eyes, forgetting the ocean is salt water. I screamed again as the water tore and burned my eyes.

I vaguely remember running back to the house, as the shooting pains in my hand were the only thing I could worry about. My parents tried pretty much everything they could think of to take the pain away. Clueless as to what to do or how to help me, my mom gave me around 4 childrens' Tylenol. After I took them, I never slept so comfortably in my life.

I woke up a few hours later and my hand was swollen and only hurt when I picked things up. The next day, I was never so happy to be home in all my life.

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