Personal Narrative

by Naomi
(North Carolina)

Original Text: Personal Narrative

Personal narrative
I was six the day I found out that I was coming to American, and that was the day I was not only the happiest, but also the most nervous. I was happy to see my siblings that I had not seen for six months. My dad had took my older sister and brothers to America before me , and the day that my mom left without tell me that my mom left without tell me she didn’t want to see me cry. As I was wanting at home in Eritrea, I thought my mom was visiting my grandparents in other villages, so I was okay to stay with my aunt and cousins until she returned . she never returned. it would be four month before I would see her angina.
Once I was told that I was going to U.S I felt so nervous because everything was going to be different. School was the main reason my father brought me and my siblings to America. He wanted us to get a better education. The education over there is so different. A teacher has the right to hit students and If a student talks during class, the teacher would ask the student to come to the front of the room the student would get hit with a stick on the hand . When you get grade 12 you have to go to the army and you don’t have choice of not going because that’s what the government wants you to do. If you don’t go then mostly likely you would have someone come to house and search that whole house to see if someone is hiding . Some women get married at age 16 and have kids, so they don’t have to go to the army .But the man have to no matter what. Even if you don’t agree with them. You couldn’t voice your opinion.
On September 23, 2003 I arrived in America. my family were living in Colombia, Missouri during that time . when I got to the house, everything was organized . when I saw my brothers and sister I had given them a big hug and my mom , too. My dad brought me overt so I had already give him hugged him.
Two weeks later I had started school . I was so nervous because I didn’t know how to speak English well. They had enrolled me to the ESL program. When I want to school first time in America, almost everyone treated me nicely and respectfully. Later that year my parents decided to move. We decided to movie to North Carolina because my mom didn’t like the snow. That was the main reason that we moved to N.C.
When I started school over here I was nervous again because I was new to the state and the school. When I was signed up for school over here I attend Crown Point and most of the kids treated me nicely I made new friends. The friends that made went to different schools. People would ask me where I came from. I would tell them and they would start to call me poor and tell me I stunk . They would call me name when I overheard stuff I would cry when I got home for a couple days but I always told myself that people are going to judge me until the day I die because that is how life is the main reason I come was to get education. Even though I felt given up I tried to remind myself that they were the ones with the problems .
That is something personal that has happened to me and I am thankful for the opportunity to make a difference in my life even though life can get hard.

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Revised Text:

I was six the day I found out that I was coming to America, and that day I was not only the happiest, but also the most nervous. I was happy to see my siblings that I had not seen for six months. My dad had taken my older sister and brothers to America before me , and that was the day my mom left without telling me, because she didn’t want to see me cry.

As I was wanting at home in Eritrea, I thought my mom was visiting my grandparents in another village, so I was okay to stay with my aunt and cousins until she returned. She never returned, it would be four month before I would see her again.

Once I was told that I was going to the U.S., I felt very nervous because everything was going to be different. School was the main reason my father brought me and my siblings to America. He wanted us to get a better education. The education over there is so different. A teacher has the right to hit students and if a student talks during class, the teacher would ask the student to come to the front of the room and the student would get hit on the hand with a stick.

When you get to grade 12, you have to go into the army and you don’t have the choice of not going because that’s what the government wants you to do. If you didn’t go, then most likely someone would come to your house and search to see if someone was hiding. Some women get married at age 16 and have kids, so they don’t have to go into the army, but men have to go, no matter what. Even if you didn’t agree with them, you couldn’t voice your opinion.

On September 23, 2003, I arrived in America. My family was living in Colombia, Missouri at that time. When I got to the house, everything was organized and when I saw my brothers and sister, I gave them a big hug and my mom too. My dad had brought me over, so I had already given him a hug.

Two weeks later I had started school. I was very nervous because I didn’t know how to speak English well but I was enrolled in the ESL program. When I went to school the first time in America, almost everyone treated me nicely and respectfully. Later that year, my parents decided to move to North Carolina because my mom didn’t like the snow. That was the main reason that we moved to N.C.

When I started school over here, I was nervous again because I was new to the state and the school. When I was signed up for school over here, I first attended Crown Point and most of the kids treated me nicely. I also made new friends that went to different schools.

People would ask me where I came from. I would tell them and they would start to call me poor and tell me that I stank. They would call me names and when I overheard them, I would cry after I got home for a couple days but I always told myself that people are going to judge me until the day I die because that is how life is. The main reason I came here was to get an education. Even though I felt like giving up, I tried to remind myself that they were the ones with the problems.

That is something personal that has happened to me, and I am thankful for the opportunity that has made a difference in my life, even though life can be hard.

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