by Glenn Gillis
(Lévis Quebec Canada)
Original Text: The Field 21
There still was no lawn surrounding the prefabricated house that Jessie Cardinal had just bought three weeks earlier. Although every yard had been plowed and leveled, two large spruce threes were left in the front yard. The streets would be paved soon. Many of the new foundations were waiting for the houses to be deposed on. One of the back upstairs screen windows was still open.
Linda Cardinal was cleaning up her room as her mother Jennifer told her to clean up the mess before it got worst. The wall-to-wall carpet matched the pink and purple designs on the wallpaper in her room. Still after a week, the smell of fresh paint remained lingering.
It was 8:15pm when Linda had finished cleaning up. A cool summer breeze entered the room. As she proceeded to close the window, she suddenly felt an odd sensation. Far out in the western horizon, the sky was of a bright light orange color.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Revised Text:
There was still no lawn surrounding the prefabricated house that Jessie Cardinal had bought three weeks earlier. Although every yard has been plowed and leveled, two large spruce threes were left in their front yard. The streets would be paved soon, and many new foundations were waiting for the houses to be set on them.
Linda Cardinal was cleaning up her room because her mother, Jennifer, had told her to clean up the mess before it got worse. The wall-to-wall carpet matched the pink and purple designs on the wallpaper in her room. Still after a week, the smell of fresh paint remained lingering.
It was 8:15 pm when Linda had finished cleaning. One of the back upstairs screen windows was still open, and a cool summer breeze entered the room. As she proceeded to close the window, she suddenly felt an odd sensation. Far off, on the western horizon, the sky was a light orange color.
Editor:
1. Please review the text carefully to ensure your intended meaning was not mistakenly changed.
2. Before you leave this page, please take a moment to use the "Click here to post comments." link at the bottom of the page to rate the proofreading and leave a comment if you wish.
Proofreading and editing pages that receive ratings and comments are moved to the top of the list.