by Glenn Gillis
(Lévis Quebec Canada)
Original Text: The Field 23
Suddenly she felt the dampness coming from the window that brought her back to her sciences closing the window. She jolted as she heard her mother calling for her. She headed towards the hallway bringing to the stairway. Descending the stairs, she stopped half way and leaned her arms on the side railing. She observed her mother down below that was watching he favorite soaps on TV.
“What’s up mom?”
“Did you finish up with your room?”
“Yes mom, I did.”
“Your father says that he fixed the flat on your bike.”
As Jennifer, was talking to her daughter, her eyes kept fixed on the television set so that she wouldn’t miss anything? On Saturday afternoons, there was nothing to make her miss the afternoon movie. And as usual Jessie would be over at Max’s tavern with a couple of friends drinking draft and watching the ball game on the little TV screen in the upper corner of the ceiling. Within the years, Jessie had lost a considerable of hair on the top of his head and the rest of it was now turning salt and pepper.
After seven years working for his own account, in 1978 he was hired at the new housing manufactory and today decided to buy one of his own, but for a very reasonable price.
After hearing what her mother had just said, her feelings automatically changed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Revised Text:
The dampness coming from the window suddenly brought her back to her senses and she closed it.
She jolted as she heard her mother calling for her and she headed towards the hallway leading to the stairway. Descending the stairs, she stopped half way and leaned her arms on the side railing. She observed her mother down below watching her favorite soaps on TV.
“What’s up mom?”
“Did you finish up with your room?"
“Yes mom, I did.”
“Your father says that he fixed the flat on your bike.”
Hearing what her mother had just said, her feelings immediately changed.
As Jennifer was talking to her daughter, her eyes were fixed on the television set so she wouldn’t miss anything. On Saturday, there was nothing that could make her miss the afternoon movie. As usual, Jessie would be over at Max’s tavern with a couple of friends, drinking draft and watching the ball game on the little TV in the corner near the ceiling. Over the years, Jessie had lost a considerable amount of hair on the top of his head, and the rest of it was now turning salt and pepper.
After seven years working for his own account, he had been hired in 1978 at the new housing factory. Now he had decided to buy one of his own, and for a very reasonable price.
Editor:
1. Please review the text carefully to ensure your intended meaning was not mistakenly changed.
2. Before you leave this page, please take a moment to use the "Click here to post comments." link at the bottom of the page to rate the proofreading and leave a comment if you wish.
Proofreading and editing pages that receive ratings and comments are moved to the top of the list.